When Apps Attack

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It’s a well-known fact in my household that phone apps hate me. One of my local restaurants has one that for the life of me I cannot figure out, so I just make Kid #2 do the ordering. However, the task of ordering grocery delivery falls solely on me. Every two weeks I submit a huge order that treads dangerously close to the $ limit because we try our best not to eat out and make dinners at home. In theory, anyway.

I’ve always hated grocery shopping, so when COVID forced my hand at trying delivery, I didn’t balk. I still pop into my local Camas Produce for my weekly roughage, but for the big bi-weekly stockpile I’m now a delivery convert. Not only am I shopping for five people and it’s a ton of stuff to haul up my steep driveway, but I just genuinely don’t like the grocery shopping experience. I feel like I’m on an episode of Supermarket Sweep, and either this happens (00:00:26 mark), or I get the cart with the wonky wheel. Seriously… Every. Damn. Time.

From making cordial conversations in the checkout line to being overwhelmed by the 2,000 cereal options, I would just rather be doing something else with my day. One of my biggest pet peeves is when stores move merchandise around (sorry to my girlfriend who’s job it is to do that), or when manufacturers change what their label looks like. It throws me for a loop, and I end up wandering the aisles and looking like a noob.

I thought grocery delivery would eliminate these peeves and hide my lack of grocery shopping skills, but no. Now I have to chit-chat with the delivery person, deal with whatever groupings my groceries were bagged in, and learn what sizes to choose because apparently, my brain can’t visualize what 64 ounces of mayonnaise looks like. 

But none of that compares to the frustration I felt when my grocer changed up their phone app last week. I had flashbacks to that time I asked a restock clerk where the sour cream had been moved, and his “Okay, Boomer” face when I recommended that he hang a redirect sign to the new location so people could easily find it.

Anyhoo, I did my best to submit my app order and felt pretty confident about its accuracy. Until that is, I got the confirmation email.

 

WHAT?!

While most of my order was pegged for delivery, three items didn’t make the cut. I could get over the two shipping items, but now I have to put on pants, leave my house, and drive to my grocery store just to pick up a carton of Goldfish?!

I have never picked up groceries at the store. The email included instructions, but my guess is no one follows them, and I’ll be aimlessly wandering the parking lot looking for a carton of goldfish.

I’m still not sure how I messed up my order, but I’ve decided I’m going to just stand by and wait for my girlfriend Carmen to figure out the new app tricks, so I don’t have to.

Keep it Golden, Girl. Even when a bucket of mayo shows up. And if it does? Hey, BBQ!

Oh, and I never did pick up the Goldfish. $6.68 lesson learned. I know…I’m ridiculous.

Golden Girls Episode Recommendation: S6E4 Snap Out of It

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