Picture this: Target, 2021.
Kid #3 has requested yet another trip to the store for frivolous
things, but I’m always up for a Target run. I could spend hours daydreaming of
an updated bookcase styling from the baubles within Project 62, browsing the
seasonal aisles for more throw pillows for my overstuffed front room couch, or
perusing new shades of eye shadow that I’ll never figure out how to blend
correctly.
The fact that kid #3 can drive but figured out long ago that
if she spins it as “spending quality time” with me then I’ll likely pay for most
of the items in her cart, doesn’t even phase me. Whatever. It’s the literal
price I pay for a good time with my teen. And I much prefer this type of
activity to the younger, collision-filled days at Bouncy Castle.
We did our typical scan for cute clothes, then ventured towards the workout gear. I have this theory that if I buy new workout clothes then I’ll be more motivated to actually work out. Sometimes that theory is proven correct. And sometimes I walk out of Target with a bag of chocolate coconut Bark Thins that don’t survive the drive home.
On the morning of this particular Target run I’d had yet another fight with my sports bra. The back likes to roll up while I’m putting it on over my head and then I can’t reach it to pull it down. It’s an ongoing battle, and one which has resulted in several items being evaluated for effectiveness in grabbing the rolled-up fabric and trying to unroll it.
FYI – plastic hangers do not work and will result in a walk of shame downstairs to your husband to remove the broken off hook caught in the rolled-up fabric.
As I wandered through the racks and assessed waistbands for their potential to keep the pants from sliding down, I stumbled upon a zip up sports bra. Fluorescent lights beamed from behind it, like a beacon from the heavens above, and I just knew this was going to be the answer to my ongoing bra battle. One of my BFF’s swears by them and assures me they don’t unzip while working out. Cue the opening scene to Bring it On.
Dressing rooms were finally opened up again from COVID, so I grabbed a few sizes and all but skipped to the dressing room to try on the answer to my bra prayers. After a few misses lining up the zipper I was bouncing up and down to ensure support and that the zipper wouldn’t drift down mid-grapevine. Structure was all on par, but armpit budge was less than attractive. Better size up, I thought.
This is where things went sideways. As I unzipped, I should have held onto at least one of the sides instead of letting both straps slingshot the cups backward. And guess where they went? Yup, that same spot on my back I can’t reach when my sports bra rolls up back there.
I panicked, literally turning in circles like a dog chasing its tail, trying to grab hold of a cup or a piece of strap with my ridiculously inflexible, T-Rex arms. The heat from the blinding dressing room lights beat down on me and my upper lip began to bead with sweat. I took a break, leaning against the cool laminate partition wall, wishing I had a bag of Bark Thins to help me through this. I briefly contemplated texting Kid #3 for assistance, but the ridicule would be swift and severe. So, I folded in half like a rag doll and and shimmied that thing down towards my head until I could reach it.
I was exhausted. Embarrassed. And this wasn’t even the first time I’d gotten stuck in an article of clothing in a dressing room.
Now, why didn’t I just grab a strap at the front shoulder to get it off? No idea. Like I said, I panicked. It didn’t occur to me that was my way out until I got home and started writing this post.
And then I saw this picture of these arm extenders, which I’ll be ordering off Prime asap.
So, the next time you find yourself shopping for sports bras, try to Keep it Golden, Girl, and don’t panic!
And if anyone knows of a magic way to put on a sports bra without it rolling up, please share!